Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Going Down Hill Again

Well, im in that mood again. where i just feel like "Jesus hates me." and i want it to go away. sam broke up with me. it's only teenage dating, but i loved sam. and it may seem silly, but it feels like he punched a huge hole in my heart with some scissors. i know he never ever meant to hurt me, i dunno if he did really, but i hurt so much, i'm dizzy. nobody really gets it :/ saying it's "not meant to hurt you" and "atleast you still have him in your life" etc. but i dunno whether to be happy that you're here, or cry because we'll never be what we were again. i was happy when we were friends, happier when we were together, but it was basically the same in how we acted being friends and being together. but now that we went out, we'll never act the same we did. i wouldnt find it awkward, but you might. and you wont act the same as you did, or hug me like you did. gosh. you mightnt even hug me again. i know it's nobody else's fault, but i really wanna hurt someone. and i know thats terrible. i literally want to hit someone so hard, they understand the pain i feel. it's unreal. does anyone actually get it? and if you dont, i'd appreciate it if you fucking stopped saying "its for the best" and "i understand" when you dont because you went out with someone, he broke up with you, but you never really loved them.

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